Paranoia

Greetings, Citizen. This mission summary was produced in response to request #1429122 from the Computer: “Determination of Reasons for Treasonous Behavior by Troubleshooter Teams”, in response to an alarming increase in incidents of reported treason (including post-mortem determinations). This particular report was created from the video record of Troubleshooter team 25142R12491 and is coded ULTRAVIOLET. If you are not of at least ULTRAVIOLET security clearance, please terminate yourself immediately.

Troubleshooter Team 25142R12491 was created by the Computer on 5/12/3027, and composed of Aldridge-R-RPH-1, Homer-R-VRC-1, Bruce-R-PQR-1, Oin-R-BAC-1, Fred-R-RCK-1, and Harry-R-DAM-1. This team was summoned to appear in the mission briefing office at 8AM on 5/13 in order to repair a sabotaged HotFun food dispenser in sector ZZA.

They arrived at the briefing area 8PM on 5/12. Due to Communist sabotage, the elevator was malfunctioning. In gross disrespect for computer property, Oin-R destroyed a crowbar vending machine in order to allow his fellow troubleshooters to get out of the elevator. Oin has submitted “Equipment Complaint Form B4379-10(398)/7R”. This paperwork is still in the system, and whether termination is warranted will be determined at a later date.

Due to the team’s failure to report to the briefing room by 5PM on 5/12, briefing officer WHO-O-3 was terminated on completion of the briefing; she was clearly actively working against the Computer. This left the Troubleshooting team, whose highest clearance level was RED, without sufficient authority to leave the briefing room. From the video record it is unclear how they left. This is suspicious.

Upon leaving the briefing room and acquiring some equipment, the team headed out to the site of the non-functioning HotFun machine. There appear to be some serious irregularities in the Equipment Request Form, which may indicate that the Equipment Guy, Homer-R-VRC-1, was working on behalf of a secret society or some other treasonous organization. It is unclear why this mission required several pounds of high explosives, although the request form mentions something about “killing commies”. Further investigation is required.

Upon arrival via trans-tube at sector ZZA, the troubleshooter team found that the Computer had, in its infinite wisdom, coded access to the sector as BLUE (which was beyond their clearance of RED). Two troubleshooters were immediately terminated for attempting to enter anyway. The Cleanliness officer was tardy in cleaning up the mess created and is probably a traitor also – this created the opportunity for the remaining Troubleshooters to proceed. The BLUE guard who was stationed there has been terminated. The level of treasonous activity here was quite high.

This is where things become murky. Troubleshooter Bruce-R-PQR appears to have damaged Computer property with a chainsaw of unknown origin, and the fact that he survived a large explosion probably indicates he is a mutant also, and therefore should probably be terminated twice. Aldridge-R-RPH was terminated several times by the team for has blatant and futile attempts to prevent repair to the HotFun machine, and is now Aldridge-R-RPH-5, whom the Computer has faith will be a loyal citizen. Harry-R-DAM-1 was personally responsible for creating a huge mess when the HotFun machine came back on line; it is suggested that the Cleanliness Officer, Oin, be terminated.

The HotFun machine does appear to be working now. It is unclear whether the Troubleshooter team had any part in this.

Total Terminations:
Aldridge-R-RPH: 4
Homer-R-VRC: 2
Bruce-R-PQR: 0
Oin-R-BAC: 1
Fred-R-RCK: 3
Harry-R-DAM: 2

Bruce-R-PQR was an obvious traitor and the fact that he escaped termination is suspicious, and may implicate the entire team. This might explain the fact that compared with overall statistics on Troubleshooter missions, this represents a fairly low number of terminations, despite the fact that in reviewing the video records it appears that there was considerable treasonous activity that escaped notice, and this analyst’s conclusion is that they are all a bunch of commie mutant traitors.

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